Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
