I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
