I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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