I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i think i just lost a toe
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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