I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
