Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
