I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
