I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
