Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
