you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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