If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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