i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
