I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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