When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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