does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
