this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
