Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
