i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
