If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
