When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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