I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I have fence marks all over my body
How does one acquire holy water?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
