i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
