You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
where are you?
Hypothermia
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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