well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
