I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
