So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
