proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
