I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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