It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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