I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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