Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
