I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
