I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
