Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
