I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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