u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
