Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
