How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
