This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
