I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
