i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
