I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
