I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
