I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
