My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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