Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
birth control should be required to get into college
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
