whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
