Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Too much gin, very little bucket
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
