the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
