anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
